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Sports World Limping Toward Football Opener Like Mortally Wounded Deer
HAGERSTOWN, MD—With Major League Baseball's postseason still a month out and college football weeks away from conference play, the sports world continues to stagger toward the NFL's opening kickoff like a gut-shot doe spewing blood from its mouth an...
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Tips: In Focus: Hurricane Safety Tips
Hurricane season is upon us. Here are some tips to help protect you and your loved ones in the event of such a storm:
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[video] Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer
Police invaded notorious meth dealer Daryl Krogen's home, seizing dozens of bicycle parts and more than ten dollars worth of stolen paint.
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American Voices: Number Of Illegal Immigrants Declining
A study from the Pew Hispanic Center found that with the economy continuing to falter, the number of illegal immigrants in the U.S.
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Man Arriving Early To Party To Walk Up And Down Street For 10 Minutes
MEDFORD, MA—After arriving early for a coworker's party Friday evening and wishing to avoid an awkward entrance, 29-year-old Scott Harrington reportedly devised a plan to walk back and forth along the residential street for 10 additional minutes.
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[audio] Area Man Less Capable Than Own Watch
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American Voices: Menopause Meds May Harm Kids
The Food and Drug Administration has warned that Evamist, a prescription spray used to control hot flashes in menopausal women, may cause premature breast development in children.
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[video] In Focus: Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To The South
Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass south of them instead.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of August 31, 2010
Aries Your daughter's memory will still haunt your dreams, but it's a welcome change from all the relived failures and sweaty former scoutmasters. Taurus Just when you thought it couldn't possibly get any worse, the star...
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8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live
NEW YORK—At 4:32 p.m. Tuesday, every single resident of New York City decided to evacuate the famed metropolis, having simultaneously realized it was nothing more than a massive, trash-ridden hellhole that slowly sucks the life out of every one of its inhabitants.
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Pentagon Ripped Off By Shady Weapons Dealer
ARLINGTON, VA—Defense Secretary Robert Gates admitted losing $192 million in defense funds Tuesday when he unwittingly purchased a large number of bogus BGM-109 Tomahawk missiles from a disreputable arms dealer known only as "Steve." ...
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[video] Packers Fan Announces He Will Return To Drinking For Another Season
Chris Lukawski, a longtime devotee of the Packers and beer, is confident his battered liver and family can handle another NFL season of unrestrained alcohol consumption.
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Staples Brings On Extra Staff To Sit Around And Do Nothing For Busy Back-To-School Season
FRAMINGHAM, MA—With the back-to-school shopping season in full swing, office-supply chain Staples announced that it would be hiring thousands of additional sales personnel to mope uselessly around the store and sullenly count the hours until closing...
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Infographic: Original Kermit Donated To Smithsonian
Last week, Jane Henson, widow of Jim Henson, donated 10 Muppets to the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History, including the original Kermit. Here are some of the other things donated to the museum in the past six months:
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