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Scientists Warn Large Earth Collider May Destroy Earth
 BATAVIA, IL—In October, Fermilab scientists joined a growing number of physicists around the world in warning that the Very Large Earth... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Pictures |
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America's First Gay President Concludes Historic Second Term
 George W. Bush Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Pictures |
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Earth, Prepare To Meet Thy DOOM!
This past earthly solar cycle was one to be remembered. A year of change. A year of hope. Pitiful, misplaced hope! But by far, the single most... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres
 Claire drowns the western, eastern, northern, and southern seaboards, valleys, and metropolitan areas. Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Pictures |
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$700 Billion Bailout Celebrated With Lavish $800 Billion Executive Party
 Relieved CEOs were greeted by a life-size ice sculpture of the Taj Mahal. Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Pictures |
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The Onion's 2008 In Review: The Environment
The dramatic fall of oil prices to under $50 a barrel has silenced much of the talk of alternative energy and oil independence that was so prevalent... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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Lazy Daredevil To Lie Across 12 Couches
LAS VEGAS—In his greatest feat to date, lazy daredevil Pete "The Idler" Nucci will attempt to lie across 12 couches in under an hour this... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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America's First Gay President Concludes Historic Second Term
WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush was unusually reflective in the final weeks of his administration, taking time during speeches and press conferences to look back on key decisions, expound on his legacy, and tout his role in paving the... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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Testosterone Patch Revives Female Sex Drive
A study published in The New England Journal Of Medicine says that postmenopausal women experience an increase in libido with a testosterone... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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The Onion's 2008 In Review: Entertainment
This year, tabloid mainstays like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton were largely out of the limelight. What do you think? Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'
SACRAMENTO, CA—Activists on both sides of the gay marriage debate were shocked this November, when a typographical error in California's... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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[audio] Roomba Continues Gathering Evidence Against Human Captor
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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Scientists Warn Large Earth Collider May Destroy Earth
BATAVIA, IL—In October, Fermilab scientists joined a growing number of physicists around the world in warning that the Very Large Earth Collider—a $117 billion electromagnetic particle accelerator built to study astronomical phenomena... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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Jimmie Johnson's Car Put Out To Stud
CHARLOTTE, NC—Hendrick Motorsports confirmed what many NASCAR fans had suspected all season, announcing Wednesday that Jimmie Johnson's number 48 Chevrolet Impala would be put out to stud, ending its career in stock-car racing and living... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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WaMu Files For ChapLev
SEATTS—Citing fallout from the sub-p mortgage disast, WaMu was forced to file for ChapLev this past Septems. "We tried to negosh our way out... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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What A Year This Was!
Wow! Has it been 365 days already? It seems like just yesterday I was looking back on 2007. I guess it's true that time flies when you're having... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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China Hosts Realistic-Looking Olympics
 BEIJING—Long after the closing ceremonies of last August's XXIX Olympiad, participants and spectators from around the world were still... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Pictures |
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[audio] NASA Embarks On First Mission To Iowa
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
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China Hosts Realistic-Looking Olympics
BEIJING—Long after the closing ceremonies of last August's XXIX Olympiad, participants and spectators from around the world were still talking about the incredibly lifelike, almost realistic atmosphere the nation of China was able to bring... Categories: Fake News | Funny News | News | The Onion | The Onion Daily News |
